34? Really?

I called my Mom on the way home as I do most evenings to discuss my day, her day, what's new; it's "our thing." She asked, "Do you feel 34?" I flippantly replied, "I don't feel a day over 25." We continued our discussion about my birthday tradition at my favorite sushi restaurant tomorrow night, my upcoming trip to Chicago this weekend to celebrate, family events, work events, etc and I didn't really think about the number attached to my age again.

But as I sit here and reflect on the last year and my Mom's question, I really don't feel 34. But how is 34 supposed to feel??? Am I suppose to feel "old?" I don't. Age is just a number. I've lived through a lot of life "stuff" that some 34 year olds have not had to deal with and I haven't experienced a lot of life "stuff" that some 34 year olds have had to deal with. When I was a little girl, I thought 34 was old and I also had an image of what I would be like at 34. Sadly and happily I haven't turned out to be the image of what my 5 year old mind envisioned.

I am not an anchorwoman for the evening news, I don't have a child, I'm not rich and I don't look like Barbie; I don't know why but for some reason at 5, I thought for sure I would have Barbie's boobs by the ripe old age of 34. My image and goals for myself have changed dramatically over the years. Some have even changed A LOT in the last 5 years; I quit a great job, went back to school, went through a divorce, decided I really didn't want children of my own, all because for once I decided to be true to me and quit pleasing everyone around me.

Here is why I do feel 34: I am ok with me, I can go to lunch by myself in a nice restaurant and have a good time, I can go out with a group of people and hold my head up because I know I am living the life I want, I have learned how to stand up for myself and speak my mind without feeling guilty, I can cook and host a great dinner with friends, I have a sense of security I have never felt, and I can look in the mirror and be proud of the woman I have become. I didn't feel this way at 30 and I love it!!!

Age is just a number. If everyone is living the life they want and not letting the small stuff get in the way of true happiness than it doesn't matter if you are 21 of 85. I can honestly say I wouldn't go back to 25 or even 30, but I wouldn't give up the lessons I learned through the years either. My life isn't perfect today, but I have all I need and a lot of what I want. I have a wonderful boyfriend who really knows me and loves me. I have a close friends that I trust explictly. I have a dog who is my "fur baby." I have a Mom who is one of my best friends. All of these things have come with time and with time comes more birthdays.

So bring on the birthdays because I don't want to miss a moment of this journey I am on. And to my 5 year old self, we may not have Barbie's boobs or be on the evening news, but we turn out pretty good and one day we'll buy those boobs.